Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Mail from Fans

We strive to bring you the latest authenticated and conspiracy news in real time. We also receive quite a lot of fan mail. We are not so full of pride as to fail to share other's point of view that differs from the opinions of Lothlorien Path. Of course that presumes that anyone who has the audacity to object to anything we write agrees to having their letters plastered here for the world to gawk at, laugh at and otherwise ridicule, in addition to us sharing their emails with various drug discount outlets, sex sites and Amway salespeople.
That said, we share this recent letter with you from Mrs. Suzzette Biggs from Chicago- all in it's unabridged form.

Dear AJ at LothlorienPath,

I can't believe you keep writin' this crazy stuff about UFO's, time travelin' and silly people who think they can become pres'dent of the united states. I am just appald at you for including a comment from this crazy Zod fellow who looks to me like a gang member that I buckshot last week running away in the alley behind my house. You should know better. If you must write about goofy stuff, be like that Bill Gisher cracker and write about strange weather. God knows its been getting hotter around here in the summer than a dirty ol' man at a teenage girls lingere shut-in.
I dare say if this nation would consider going back to church, baking pies to raise money for car washes to raise money for missions to raise money for the church in the first place, by jesus, we would't have these problems.
I will have you know i have taken the information you wrote about Mr. Zod in your last posting and duely wrote him a piece of my mind.
i also emailed you with the same email I sent him. So both of you can get real and get going- back to church.

this is the email i sent to Mr. Zod:

Mr. Zod,

I wanna tell you a problem I is havin' with your ELECtion . I think you has taken to the moonshine, dropped too many of those extacsy pills or has been out in the sun to much. Or in your case not enough since you are paler than any white can of spray paint i've ever seen.

Who ever herd of demandin' a vote? That is not how you get votes! You ASK-NICELY! The way our handsome brave president did back in 2000 and in 2004. It is good to ASK. Mr. Bush always asks Congress for more money-and they give it to him! No questions asked! See? He ASKED votin' peoples if they liked the new modern way of votin and we said yes! It really feels good to say Ive finaly used a computor, and it was real easy to. Me and my friends really liked the way the computor 'chines took our votes without all the problems of huntin' for a pencil. Seemed like you always got to the booth back in the old days and someone had SWIPED the damn pencil, probably after votin' for a LIBERtaerian , then went a-home and wrote down some drug orders with it.

We fine folk here in the south side of Chi-town don't need any of your white cracker honky talk of becomin' slaves again. We was once, and we wont do it again , by god and by JEsus and the river dont rise because of it does I know in my heart -that JEsus saves- the government wont let me drown and will give me a nice little trailor alongside other fine Christian believin' folk who understand the meaning of being graciously hospitable so the POlicemen to clean up the rift-a-raft, those drug dealin, sister-selling to white folk creatins that deserve to be locked up for a life anyway.
Who cares if they can't get a 'tourney? They is guilty as sin anyways. No trial, no jury, no nothin! Save that Good money and give it back to us deservin' in the Black Community, and we'll put it to good use just the way FEMA did back just last year.

Why my Aunt Gertrude was livin' in the retches of ' Orleans, with her 5 kids, 2 uncles , father, mother , sister and all with it fallin' apart at the seems. They had only one toilet, so you can 'magin they had to draw straws come cleanin' time once a month! Which remins me of the time she had dogs-to protect the kids from the gangs- and since they only had a yard that was 4 feets by 5 feets, loaded with old tires, bikes, the grill and a picnic table, the dogs had no place to go except inside the livin' room. Poop got so high , that one day her pastor stopped over for a visit and comented on the fine table in the corner. She told him that it wasn't a table-that it was a piece of shit! ok, maybe I've heard that somewhere besides aunt Gertrude , but I can 'magine it to be the gospel truth!

Hell, when that hur'cane blew through, the wind lifted most of the dust and dirt off the floor and made it look halfway presentable!

Even with Gov'ment assistance, which is what you crackers need to pay to make up for those years of gettin' help free- she didn't have the money to fixe up the place after buying all those fried chickens, playing the lotto and gun ammo to fire back at the gangs.

When her house was demolished when the levy breaked, the gov'ment graciously moved all her family into a trailor in Houston AND gave her $2007.23 to boot! Glory!

To bad she lost most of it playin' craps with the neighbors, but she still has her trailor that she can call her own-one that is clean! It is kinda too bad they won't let her move it, or go outside after dark, or talk to reporters but when you have your hand out, who asks questions?Praise the Lord! She has a TV with CAble! Nothin she ever had before. She only gets FOX, CNN and other 'spectlbe channels as well as Ophra and other important real life showins'. Im almost jealous.

Anyway Mr. Zod, you better get your white cracker butt to church, stop all this mouthin' off against our Godly president and country. I will have none of it! I will have you know we are proud to serve in the comm'ty with real jobs. We votes 'Pulican cause the dimmwit Dem'crates mouthed big Union boss style words and didnt' give us shit. At least with the 'Pulicans we have more and more WAL-Marts springin' up all over and good black folks takes those jobs. What whitey would risk getting shot at after makin' $6.50/hr? This is good for us! If I wasn't a God fearin' Christian I would say the Dem'crates can kiss my shiny black ass, but I won't -cause I love Jesus.

My youngest who just turned 29 already is the assitant manger' at our comm'ty 7/11 food store and helps us with the rent! I am so proud of him.

Anyways we works hard around here, Mr. Zod and I wont let a white Village -People- wanna- be and your team of strumed up wiggers with a girl Friday harlot that probably has the ' officiatin' place on your team as bent over with her white legs spread eagle tell me who to vote for.

Jesus' save me.



Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

wow, gert got a bee in her bonnet. and you talk about me pissing in the trough? thanks for the props. and btw, i amde a movie about you. you'll have to email me.

11:49 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...


It's nice to learn that some things never change. After taking some time off, it was reassuring to return and discover you're still as twisted as Hillary Clinton's thong.

That's right...just TRY to get that image out of your head!

12:02 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

omg. comments from two of the top icons of the blogsphere in the same heading?! I must be close to syndication...

Hillary' thong? I would prefer to imagine Condi's, thank you very much.

ooooo whip me honey, ive been a very bad boy...

10:56 AM  
Blogger Lily said...

Aj- you're back! Hope all is ok with you- you've been missed!!!!!

I stopped checking in after awhile, figured you had things going on. Glad to see you around!

Check in with us at Blue Republic! And add your link, for pete's sake, a'ready!!!!

So nice to see you.

What a weird post. And screw Rex and Gisher!!!!! I could kick their asses - and possibly even film it while doing so.

10:37 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Hey Lizzy! Yea good to hear you again girl!

I do not know if you are serious about Rex/Gisher, but since you invited me to the Blue REPUBLIC I must assume you are kidding. Anyway, how is the enivirnmental causes going these days?
Be assured that I am continuing to help your cause by installing virgin cut wood from the (once) beautiful green forests of British Columbia and Brazil!

2:26 PM  
Blogger Lily said...

AJ! Where are you anyway these days?

11:20 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Hey Liz, just working around the NAS area....and paying, paying paying bills!
I'm still working on my degree, so time, as well as brain cells are limited- you know what I mean?

5:07 PM  
Anonymous Elizabeth Branford said...

Degree? Dont do it AJ!

You never finished my rainforest renovations!

1:47 AM  

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