Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Corruptco Blogfest

Scene: Daniels Elementary School
Daniels, WV Mrs. Baker's 5th grade classroom
Pre Holiday(Christmas) activities December 2006

{Mr. Jeff Skilling is half-way to completing his mandatory 150 hours of community service and the $95.59 fine that the courts levied on him for destroying the lives of hundreds of loyal employees, investors, retirees, and basically the average American's faith in the whole commodity/stock trading system in the United States for decades to come. Once again American judicial law leads the world as a coveted example.}

Jeff Skilling(JS): "Hello Boys & Girls!"

"My name is Jeffrey Skilling, formerly the head of a really big company called Enron in a really big state called Texas, the home of our really cool President, Mr. Bush who asked your principal Mr. James if it was OK if I came to speak with you about America and our freedom and the America way of life!"

Mrs Baker (school guidance couselor): "Isnt' that great kids!? Can we all welcome Mr. Skilling to our wonderful school?" (Applaud)


JS: " Good Morning to you too!"
"OK, let's begin by telling you that our wonderful president asked me to come here to let you know that you, here in the great state of WV are one of the luckiest kids in the whole world! Does anyone care to take a guess why?"

class: " Because we just got a new Wal-Mart in Town?"

JS: " Yes! That's one great reason, but there's one more reason and it has to do with energy."

class: *blank looks*

JS: " ...ah keeping your TV's turned on..."

Class: " 'LECTRICITY!!"

JS: " Right!, So what does WV have more than the great state of Texas?"

Class: " Really close relatives?!?"

JS:" No. You have coal!. Texas has Oil! You, know , that black stuff you see at the beginning of those Beverly Hillbilly reruns?"
" Anyway about coal:Those little fine black rocks that your Dad or Uncle dig for way down in the earth! Those things are precious because it can be used for fuel to heat up the big spinning fans in big buildings that produce electricity!"

"Now, a lot of people would tell you that coal and oil are not good, that they are bad for the environment and that people should not use them. "

"But they are wrong! They do not know what they are talking about."Coal is good. Oil is good. Energy is good. It's what America's all about!"

"Coal from WV is good and Oil from Texas is good because it makes our country stronger and keeps the money out of bad people's hands that live a long long ways away across the ocean. So that's why we have to keep digging and keep drilling to find the coal in your mountains, and find the oil that God gave us under the earth! Isn't that great?"

Class: "YEAH!!!!"

JS: " Now, don't you learn things in Sunday School at church that God wants us to work real hard and be good stewards of the earth? There are some people, mostly out in California that wouldn't know a good gospel prechin' church if it bit em on their butt-
would rather us live in grass huts, eat nuts all day and never build neat and fun places to eat like McDonalds!"

Class: "BOOOOOOO!!!!"

JS: " I know it is hard to believe, but that is what your dad and my dad have worked so hard to build: a good structure for bringing electricity to every boys and girls home in America with American goods! I mean, everyone can't work at Wal-Mart or McDonalds can they?"

Class: " Nooo!"

JS: " Right. So we have to work here to keep America strong unlike some people who don't want us to build anything because they are to lazy, fat, or convinced it might hurt some owls, cows or frogs..."

"They say bad things about the hard work that your daddy works so hard at too. Like coal makes the air dirty and helps make the earth warmer and all that stuff. Even really smart scientists like Dr. Lovelock from a big school in England called Oxford says there is nothing to worry about now."

"And speaking about hard work in those coal mines hundreds of feet down in the ground it may interest you that with oil, we only have to bury a pipe and flush it with fresh drinkable water to get it! No chemicals!
Isn't that exciting!"

Class: "YEAAA!"

But you know, we've been having a lot of trouble lately finding new sources of oil in Texas, so naturally our president suggested finding it in Alaska, where there are nothing but penquins and Eskimos! Do you think they would mind if we take some of that valuable oil to help little boys and girls like you have electricity to play games on and cars to get to school in? Of course not!
Unfortunately there are no coal fields in Alaska, as much as there are here in your beautiful state of WV." "But how do we get it out of there? Well, boys and girls, just like oil - it needs a truck a train a ship or a pipeline ! And Daddys make those things all around the world! Cool huh?"

Class: "COOL!"

JS: " Since we need those things, it keeps little boys and girls Daddy's working in places like Michigan so they can build those trucks! And they work in factories in China so we can get that steel! Some of that steel might have originally come from NYC! Isn't that funny?!
So we can get those really neat toys you buy at Wal-Mart really really cheap! Is that a bad thing?"

Class: "NOOOO!"

"Those trucks need roads to drive on. So, you need to have some boy's and girls daddy's or mommy's help making the roads and putting up all those little neat signs along side that says: McDonalds Burger King Gas NEXT EXIT!"
"Do you boys and girls like to go to McDonalds?"

class: "YEA!!!!"

JS: "See? This is what makes America great and free! People driving down the road on their way to McDonalds and enjoying a good meal in a nice warm, lighted restaurant!"

Class: "YEAH!!"

"There are some bad people who would tell your daddy and mommy thay cannot dig the earth that God in His wisdom gave us here in WV. They think it is better that we have large and ugly windmills all over the roads! Just like they have in Holland! What a silly thought! What century do they think it is?"HAHA!"
"And there are other people who believe you can make your lights go on by only using ice cream! ha ha! Isn't that funny?"

Class " HA HAA HAA"!

"You see boys and girls, the coal that your Daddy digs out of the ground, not only helps other boys and girls moms and dads when they work to bring it to market but it also helps train companies like Norfolk Southern Railroad." http://www.nscorp.com/nscorp/index.jsp And my...I mean-their stock price!

"They have lots and lots of choo-choo trains that go up and down the track bringing loads of coal your daddy has spent all day digging up to ports to be shipped to China or other good countries that are our friends. The trains ship really neat stuff like the trees we have to cut down on the mountains to make you a park and swimming holes. The trees are made into lumber for little boys and girls houses!"


"Wood is really neat huh? You can plant more trees and in a few years you have another tree grow! That's being environmental! It also makes stock prices of big companies like Home Depot go higher and higher! But remember boys and girls, we need lights on in those Home Depot and Wal-Mart stores so Daddy and Mommy can see what they're buying!"

Class: " Yea! Games! Toys!"

" Right. So when you hear a choo choo train at night, probably carrying wood and a lot of those explosives we use to cut through the rock in the mountain to get to the coal, you can go back to sleep knowing little boys and girls daddys are going to be hard at work and getting a pay check!" Then buying toys for their kids!
"And everyone here loves to hear a choo-choo whistle right? Right!"

Class : "YEAA!"

"Now the ports are where the big ships that come in from all over the world to load up our coal and give us money for it. Isn't that nice? The ships are needed to ship it to other countries ports, so those trucks can get it to their power stations just like ours here in WV. And the people that own the ports have lots and lots of money that makes them so happy they give some of it back!"

"Now, some of the bad people that don't want your Daddy to work, mostly lazy fat boys and girls that didn't finish high school or don't go to a good Christian church-
think that it is better for trees and birds and bears and frogs to be tresspassing in your back yard rather than clear out the bush, the dead trees, build a few houses and dig a few holes to get the coal."

"Of course sometimes the holes we have to dig here in WV and other states tend to get a little bigger than we anticipate, but you know what? All we have to do is fill it with a little sand, let it rain and there you have a big natural swimming hole to go swimming in on a hot summer day! Everybody loves to swim right? " http://www.citizenscoalcouncil.org/facts/mtntop.htm

class: "YeEAAA!!!!"

JS : " What a great way to earn money huh? Diggin really neat tunnels all day long and playing hide-and-seek with your friends on lunch breaks! How cool!"


Class (mostly boys) "YAAAAAAA!"

JS: "So now we have talked about how great America is because we have electricity that runs our lights and runs your TV, and keeps truck companies making more trucks, and keeps road people making more roads, that keeps choo-choo trains running and ships sailing and little boys and girls all over the world can be happy!
The president once asked me and some friends to get together for a pizza one day -"

.."over at his really big house, and all we talked about was making sure that you boys and girls would have all the Electricity you would need to grow up, get a job at the mines, and have lights on for your wives when they are cooking you a really good Steak for when you come home!"

Class: " Yeah"!

JS: "Well , it has certainly been a pleasure to talk to you today about energy and how it keeps making America getting better and better. But you know that as good Christian Republican boys and girls,


you have to turn the other cheek when it comes to some bad people that want your Daddys to stop digging for the valuable coal in the ground. Those bad people need electricity to, and it's up to us to be sure that they get it!" So they can grow up just like you and work real hard making America great and buy neat toys and games for their kids at Wal-Mart too!"

Class: "Yeaa!"

JS: "And remember: America is not good because she is great, but America is great because she is Good!!"

Class: "Yeaa!"

Miss Baker: " Now class, Mr Skilling's new company "New Concepts in Energy (L.L.P.)" will be sponsoring a field trip today down at our very own town MCDONALDS RESTAURANT!!
So everyone grab your coats and hop on the buses!"


http://www.jesuscampthemovie.com THE JESUS CAMP MOVIE!! OUT IN NOV 2006 A MUST SEE!


Blogger jc said...


this is so unreal it's real )if that makes any sense).


12:59 PM  
Blogger qrswave said...

very creative, AJ!

or is this a true story???

10:11 PM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

most EXCELLENT posting!

3:54 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

thx guys

Im blushing....{{blush}}

8:57 AM  
Blogger Left of Center said...

great way to tie together so much info. A+

8:43 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

AJ: This man has clearly paid his debt to society. I mean, he went to West Virginia...on purpose!

While I was courting the future Mrs. Danger-Seeker, she and I rented what passed for a WV "chalet" (aka "outhouse") for a weekend of skiing. Now, yours truly is a native Floridian, so skiing to me is something you do behind a boat and with a few beers in you. Still, I ventured forth and did my best, before heading down to the local "tavern" (aka "klan meeting") for a pint of their finest brew (aka "moonshine.")

I don't remember much of what happened next, but when I woke up I was married to someone's sister...mine!

True story.

12:55 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Rex, really?
You party animal. I could never keep up with the studs at Ft Lewis or Punta Gorda..

Do you happen to have another sister available?

12:51 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Not such a fantasy, really. I believe Chuck Colson is doing that sort of thing these days. Made a whole career of it after Watergate. A lot of these evil bastards turn to Jesus after they get caught. It's nice to have an imaginary friend to turn to after you've fucked all your real ones, I suppose.

4:38 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

O Niel you closet fundamentalist you...

Yes, there really is money in religion you know.

9:19 PM  

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