Sunday, August 27, 2006

God Bless Congress



American Economic Theory 101:

Screw the lowlifes. (Or encourage them to join the Army.)

Congress:

Over educated, spoiled & worthless brats.

They 're there to protect our interests?

http://www.jesuscampthemovie.com THE JESUS CAMP MOVIE!! OUT IN NOV 2006 A MUST SEE!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Mail from Fans





We strive to bring you the latest authenticated and conspiracy news in real time. We also receive quite a lot of fan mail. We are not so full of pride as to fail to share other's point of view that differs from the opinions of Lothlorien Path. Of course that presumes that anyone who has the audacity to object to anything we write agrees to having their letters plastered here for the world to gawk at, laugh at and otherwise ridicule, in addition to us sharing their emails with various drug discount outlets, sex sites and Amway salespeople.
That said, we share this recent letter with you from Mrs. Suzzette Biggs from Chicago- all in it's unabridged form.


-----
Dear AJ at LothlorienPath,

I can't believe you keep writin' this crazy stuff about UFO's, time travelin' and silly people who think they can become pres'dent of the united states. I am just appald at you for including a comment from this crazy Zod fellow who looks to me like a gang member that I buckshot last week running away in the alley behind my house. You should know better. If you must write about goofy stuff, be like that Bill Gisher cracker and write about strange weather. God knows its been getting hotter around here in the summer than a dirty ol' man at a teenage girls lingere shut-in.
I dare say if this nation would consider going back to church, baking pies to raise money for car washes to raise money for missions to raise money for the church in the first place, by jesus, we would't have these problems.
I will have you know i have taken the information you wrote about Mr. Zod in your last posting and duely wrote him a piece of my mind.
i also emailed you with the same email I sent him. So both of you can get real and get going- back to church.

this is the email i sent to Mr. Zod:

Mr. Zod,

I wanna tell you a problem I is havin' with your ELECtion . I think you has taken to the moonshine, dropped too many of those extacsy pills or has been out in the sun to much. Or in your case not enough since you are paler than any white can of spray paint i've ever seen.

Who ever herd of demandin' a vote? That is not how you get votes! You ASK-NICELY! The way our handsome brave president did back in 2000 and in 2004. It is good to ASK. Mr. Bush always asks Congress for more money-and they give it to him! No questions asked! See? He ASKED votin' peoples if they liked the new modern way of votin and we said yes! It really feels good to say Ive finaly used a computor, and it was real easy to. Me and my friends really liked the way the computor 'chines took our votes without all the problems of huntin' for a pencil. Seemed like you always got to the booth back in the old days and someone had SWIPED the damn pencil, probably after votin' for a LIBERtaerian , then went a-home and wrote down some drug orders with it.

We fine folk here in the south side of Chi-town don't need any of your white cracker honky talk of becomin' slaves again. We was once, and we wont do it again , by god and by JEsus and the river dont rise because of it does I know in my heart -that JEsus saves- the government wont let me drown and will give me a nice little trailor alongside other fine Christian believin' folk who understand the meaning of being graciously hospitable so the POlicemen to clean up the rift-a-raft, those drug dealin, sister-selling to white folk creatins that deserve to be locked up for a life anyway.
Who cares if they can't get a 'tourney? They is guilty as sin anyways. No trial, no jury, no nothin! Save that Good money and give it back to us deservin' in the Black Community, and we'll put it to good use just the way FEMA did back just last year.

Why my Aunt Gertrude was livin' in the retches of ' Orleans, with her 5 kids, 2 uncles , father, mother , sister and all with it fallin' apart at the seems. They had only one toilet, so you can 'magin they had to draw straws come cleanin' time once a month! Which remins me of the time she had dogs-to protect the kids from the gangs- and since they only had a yard that was 4 feets by 5 feets, loaded with old tires, bikes, the grill and a picnic table, the dogs had no place to go except inside the livin' room. Poop got so high , that one day her pastor stopped over for a visit and comented on the fine table in the corner. She told him that it wasn't a table-that it was a piece of shit! ok, maybe I've heard that somewhere besides aunt Gertrude , but I can 'magine it to be the gospel truth!

Hell, when that hur'cane blew through, the wind lifted most of the dust and dirt off the floor and made it look halfway presentable!

Even with Gov'ment assistance, which is what you crackers need to pay to make up for those years of gettin' help free- she didn't have the money to fixe up the place after buying all those fried chickens, playing the lotto and gun ammo to fire back at the gangs.

When her house was demolished when the levy breaked, the gov'ment graciously moved all her family into a trailor in Houston AND gave her $2007.23 to boot! Glory!

To bad she lost most of it playin' craps with the neighbors, but she still has her trailor that she can call her own-one that is clean! It is kinda too bad they won't let her move it, or go outside after dark, or talk to reporters but when you have your hand out, who asks questions?Praise the Lord! She has a TV with CAble! Nothin she ever had before. She only gets FOX, CNN and other 'spectlbe channels as well as Ophra and other important real life showins'. Im almost jealous.

Anyway Mr. Zod, you better get your white cracker butt to church, stop all this mouthin' off against our Godly president and country. I will have none of it! I will have you know we are proud to serve in the comm'ty with real jobs. We votes 'Pulican cause the dimmwit Dem'crates mouthed big Union boss style words and didnt' give us shit. At least with the 'Pulicans we have more and more WAL-Marts springin' up all over and good black folks takes those jobs. What whitey would risk getting shot at after makin' $6.50/hr? This is good for us! If I wasn't a God fearin' Christian I would say the Dem'crates can kiss my shiny black ass, but I won't -cause I love Jesus.

My youngest who just turned 29 already is the assitant manger' at our comm'ty 7/11 food store and helps us with the rent! I am so proud of him.

Anyways we works hard around here, Mr. Zod and I wont let a white Village -People- wanna- be and your team of strumed up wiggers with a girl Friday harlot that probably has the ' officiatin' place on your team as bent over with her white legs spread eagle tell me who to vote for.

Jesus' save me.

Mrs. S. Biggs
http://www.jesuscampthemovie.com THE JESUS CAMP MOVIE!! OUT IN NOV 2006 A MUST SEE!

Saturday, August 12, 2006











ExxonMobil, the world's biggest privately owned oil group and a target of street protesters, celebrated May Day by reporting the largest quarterly corporate profits in history at $7.04bn (£4.4bn).

(Houston) AP-

In a stunning Associated Press announcement today Spokesman 'Jimmy' Turin-Al Bin Ladin (pictured above) spoke on behalf of Exxon President Rex W. Tillerson on the companies stunning success in management and corporate profits with Star System Tatooine's native Jabba the Hutt.


"Our outlook for energy demand results from what we see as likely economic growth and what we expect from continuing advances in energy efficiency," and that there was "a lot of talk" about future energy contributions from solar and wind.
(wink,wink)

In a show of humility the official heads of Exxon gave over the platform to Mr. Hutt who , although came to the event in surreal metallic glowing starships measuring three football fields in length and two in height directly over the old Enron Building Picnic complex, were dismissed as phantoms of sunshine/cloud/weather effects or the over imaginations of tin-foil hat wearing Roswell nutcases.

In any event the evidence proved too much to ignore and the atmosphere of -"Fuck-me-in-the-morning-there really IS life out there!", began to permeate the huge facility. On the minds of most everyone in attendance -this immediately exonerated world renown blog spots like Lothlorien Path.

Mr. Hut, who spoke through an interpreter, expressed his pleasure of visiting earth at long last and congratulated EXXON on their achievements for blasting the veil between corporatism and politics.

While chomping on some freshly killed children's bones graciously provided by Exxon, Mr. Hut said:

"Our time has come at last. For those of you who drive cars we thank you. It is time to stop the charade. Exxon, BP, Arco Wal-Mar- we own you. You cannot drive to work without gas, and we have the gas. You cannot drive to the store to buy food, without huge trucks delivering it there that takes gas that we make. You will begin to accept $4.00 /gallon for gas as a common thing. When you make us angry, if we do not outright kill you, we will raise this gas you so much desire to $14.00 /gallon and see how many heroes are left.

It is time for you to make a decision in 2008. We desire for you to consider the merits of General Zod.
Since Mr. Bush has served his time in an excellent capacity that will not go unrewarded, it is time to decry the illusion that voting for different parties will really get what you want.
They are ALL controlled by money or worse.
General Zod will at least not lie to you. It is for you to decide if you wish to perish slowly at the hands of your current corporatist/capitalistic shadow democracy or be honorable slaves-with free healthcare!

I take this time to read an apology from General Zod for not being here on this most auspicious occasion , but he had other pressing matters to deal with.
He asked me to re-read to you and those listening in on TV his official platform:

"When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebeians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression.{And why America?}
Your mother country has potent military forces and markets all over the world. Are you not the logical choice? Make no mistake, if some petty chieftan somewhere offends me, I can still deal him a swift, merciless blow. Yet your country permits and encourages that, does it not? I believe I have chosen well.

Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote. "
-- General ZodYour Future President and Eternal Ruler


Mr. Hut continued:
"Of course if you do not cast your vote for him you might find yourself with a number of your friends together on a strange planet. We have an exotic animal that loves to eat meat. Live meat. Namely you. 'You will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years.'
But, as it always has been in purchasing goods from excellent companies like EXXON or others,
the choice is still yours."


*****
As always, thanx Professor Pan
http://www.jesuscampthemovie.com THE JESUS CAMP MOVIE!! OUT IN NOV 2006 A MUST SEE!